I'm coming to the end of spring break. Depressing, utterly. Although, I have accomplished more than I thought I would over this past week. Wait, correction, over this past glorious week. I have as of now ( as of maybe twenty minutes ago) read 5 novels this week, pretended to work on a poster presentation for the NWSA conference for half and hour while drinking coffee, slept in until 2 pm at least once, and have done generally nothing that I haven't felt like doing. And I didn't even have to go out of the state to do it, as much as going out of the state appeals to the restless streak thats been progressively growing in me. Monday its back to the grind, back to fifteen credit hours, homework, papers, and being an absolute slave to academia in the worst kind of way. Its a bizarre slightly masochistic relationship. I hate how school sucks the life out of me but love the satisfaction of making Deans List at the end of the quarter. Truthfully though I cant wait to graduate.
Ive been rethinking my childhood goal of becoming a writer lately, which has been influenced in every way by rereading 5 Mary Russel novels (see the Laurie R. King link). A person can dream, right? Amazing books, Mary Russel is my new woman literary hero and takes her place beside Nancy Drew. I cant write fiction because I cant seem to swing conversation on the page. However, poetry is another thing. Granted, there is alot of bad poetry. I don't really show people what I write because I'm not all the way sure yet that its not bad poetry, not to be self deprecating, merely realistic. Having the very modest background in academic English lit. that I do, I know something about bad poetry. I find myself writing poetry in my mind almost constantly (strange and dangerous confession). Lately Ive been thinking about Whitman, Ginsberg, Harjo, and Tea. I'm not hip like Michelle Tea, I'm not gritty. But I'm not constantly elegant and earthy like Harjo, and I cant ramble without punctuation at some point like Whitman and Ginsberg. I feel like my poetic voice falls somewhere in between the points where all of those writers meet. And if you have no idea what that means you'll just have to go read them for yourself and find out.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
In case anyone wondered if I get heated over politics... the answer is yes.
I'm a obsessive poll checker, but tonight is worse than usual...probably because its Ohio's turn. Who will it be, Obama or Clinton? And by how large or small of a margin? McCain is now officially the Republican candidate for president. I don't even know what to think about that , I'm not even sure I want to try to think about what that could mean for the United States. Just the mention of his name paints a terrifying ( and probably over-exaggerated ) picture in my head of massive anti-gay laws, the eventual (McCain is supposedly pro choice but I'm a cynic ) shut down of abortion clinics and women's health centers, a 100 year war in which we ultimately loose in every way possible, the intensive policing of our borders, the terrorist like surveillance of anyone who resembles A Terrorist, abstinence only education, the consequent rise of teenage pregnancy, STIs, the return of the AIDS epidemic, and massive amounts of back alley way abortions. Not to mention the eventual demise of the United States as we know it. Okay,yes, I know. Its all a bit melodramatic...I cant help it, my feminist critical readings prof. is having us read The Parable of the Talents by Octavia E. Butler (its science fiction and it resembles what I just described.) Anyways.
Onto more fun things. I would like to respond to a great post that was brought to my attention. To preface what I'm going to write, I am all for cynicism. I understand that all of the candidates are a little silly at times...especially Senator Clinton (my personal opinion). I don't particularly trust any politicians as I think that they are for the most part slime balls with money. Whats worse, they're usually white, MALE slime balls with money (backed by more white male slime balls with money). However, taking into consideration the day and age that we live in, one that's filled with all kinds of despair, and pain, poverty, sickness, epidemics, genocides, human trafficking, threats of war, bombs being dropped, kids being shot, campuses being shot up, clinics being bombed, lives being ruined by debt, terror in many many forms, governmental deceit and lawlessness, hate crimes, widespread joblessness, murder, rape, rape, rape, oh, and more rape on top of that, I don't really find anything funny or cynical about a country that for the first time in a long time wants change that could possibly include more than all the middle class fat and happy white men and their wives and offspring in this country. That being said here's the post in question:
"I'm confused. I've been hearing an awful lot of talk about voting for this guy... I think his name is Change. So, I took my ballot and looked for his name, but I couldn't find him. I dug down in the deep ugly crevices of my brain and remembered this other guy named Hope. But he wasn't on the ballot either. All I kept hearing was YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!
Man. I'm bummed. I wanted to be a part of history, but I couldn't find a mythical savior to vote for."
Hm, well not to worry middle class white man, you too can be part of history! Fear not! You can be part of the historical moral majority that holds and has held our country back and down for countless years. Somehow it doesn't seem healthy to be like that. Unhealthy to be so cynical that you cant get your head out of your crusty republican rear and vote for some attempt at change, and yes, hope . I think its time for this country to have some attainable hope shown to them that doesn't come just from the preachers pulpit. When I look at Obama, and I look at the other choices all I can think is yes I am truly ready for some change in the ways of this country. And that is not a false hope, or a joke, a silly desire, a random whim, a non intellectual thought. So laugh about these words that you throw around so easily, this change and this hope. And all I can say is...who looks silly now? Theres nothing silly about change or hope. The only people who think its silly, from where I'm standing, are mostly white men and women who care more about their personal morals and big business than about the idea of a global consciousness.
And true, this "mythical savior" figure might not exist, but don't kid yourself, John McCain is no savior either, hes not even a saint. He is, in my book, on his merry way to becoming the "100 Year War" real deal. Id rather vote for hope and change, than war, doom, destruction, and the preexisting historical legacy of rich white men (or women).
Onto more fun things. I would like to respond to a great post that was brought to my attention. To preface what I'm going to write, I am all for cynicism. I understand that all of the candidates are a little silly at times...especially Senator Clinton (my personal opinion). I don't particularly trust any politicians as I think that they are for the most part slime balls with money. Whats worse, they're usually white, MALE slime balls with money (backed by more white male slime balls with money). However, taking into consideration the day and age that we live in, one that's filled with all kinds of despair, and pain, poverty, sickness, epidemics, genocides, human trafficking, threats of war, bombs being dropped, kids being shot, campuses being shot up, clinics being bombed, lives being ruined by debt, terror in many many forms, governmental deceit and lawlessness, hate crimes, widespread joblessness, murder, rape, rape, rape, oh, and more rape on top of that, I don't really find anything funny or cynical about a country that for the first time in a long time wants change that could possibly include more than all the middle class fat and happy white men and their wives and offspring in this country. That being said here's the post in question:
"I'm confused. I've been hearing an awful lot of talk about voting for this guy... I think his name is Change. So, I took my ballot and looked for his name, but I couldn't find him. I dug down in the deep ugly crevices of my brain and remembered this other guy named Hope. But he wasn't on the ballot either. All I kept hearing was YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!
Man. I'm bummed. I wanted to be a part of history, but I couldn't find a mythical savior to vote for."
Hm, well not to worry middle class white man, you too can be part of history! Fear not! You can be part of the historical moral majority that holds and has held our country back and down for countless years. Somehow it doesn't seem healthy to be like that. Unhealthy to be so cynical that you cant get your head out of your crusty republican rear and vote for some attempt at change, and yes, hope . I think its time for this country to have some attainable hope shown to them that doesn't come just from the preachers pulpit. When I look at Obama, and I look at the other choices all I can think is yes I am truly ready for some change in the ways of this country. And that is not a false hope, or a joke, a silly desire, a random whim, a non intellectual thought. So laugh about these words that you throw around so easily, this change and this hope. And all I can say is...who looks silly now? Theres nothing silly about change or hope. The only people who think its silly, from where I'm standing, are mostly white men and women who care more about their personal morals and big business than about the idea of a global consciousness.
And true, this "mythical savior" figure might not exist, but don't kid yourself, John McCain is no savior either, hes not even a saint. He is, in my book, on his merry way to becoming the "100 Year War" real deal. Id rather vote for hope and change, than war, doom, destruction, and the preexisting historical legacy of rich white men (or women).
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Rain
True fact, when it rains it pours. Fittingly, or ironically, Im writing this in the middle of the thunderstorm thats been dumping on Cincinnati since 1:31 AM, the exact time that I was woken up by the nearby servere weather sirens. Im not kidding, the sirens are about a block from my apartment and they sound way more like air raid sirens. My cat, catching up on his beauty sleep, slept through them. Ive been having a round of bad luck - whatever you want to call it, Ive had it. Relational spats (which have been patched), hearing from my advisor that I have to not only take math for the next year, but I have to take 2 quarters of makeup math before I can enroll in actual math (what the hell is actual math?), my nice and expensive green glasses being stolen practically from off my nose, the tidalwave of homework from professors who I think truely believe their class is the only one that youre taking and that matters, and the near end of my work study financial aid money thats been keeping me afloat. Oh, and my new umbrella I bought on campus today (go UC) broke almost 20 minutes after I bought it with my dwindling supply of pocket cash. Such a sob story! Im usually good at handling stress and taking things in stride, but this month its hitting me harder.
But, the sun is out now, literally, at least for a little while. I have nice cup of coffee in front of me, and writing always helps me to release stress. Optimism is good for your health says my psychology professor, so maybe I should start practicing it a little more.
But, the sun is out now, literally, at least for a little while. I have nice cup of coffee in front of me, and writing always helps me to release stress. Optimism is good for your health says my psychology professor, so maybe I should start practicing it a little more.
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